Tabloid
Issue #2
by Tom Zjaba
CHAPTER TWO: A WHOLE NEW WORLD
As Madeline gets up and brushes herself off, she looks around and notices while
it looks like the same alley, it is now daytime. The sun is shining down and
everything looks clean and new. Had she passed out? Was this some kind of
strange dream? She checks her clothes to see if they had been torn. There was no
sign that she had been raped. While she felt a little woozy from the trip, she
didn't feel like she was violated in any way. Even the bloody lip seems to be
healed. This is too weird for her and she decided to get back home and try to
sort this out. A nice, hot shower and a big cup of tea was in order.
As she makes her way down the alley towards the main street, she is greeted by
two policemen. When they see her, they quickly run up to her and ask "Did you
see a large creature come this way?" Before she can answer, she looks closely
and they are the spitting image of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. What is this
impersonators week or something? First the Elvis look-alike and now this. "Well,
I'm not sure. I saw something, but wasn't sure if it was here or somewhere else"
she answers. The shorter one then says "Gee, what kind of answer is that?".
Suddenly the taller one hits him with his hat and yells at him "That's no way to
speak to a lady, now apologize to her". He then takes his hat off and looks down
as he says "I'm sorry Miss, I didn't mean to be disrespectful." They then tip
their hats to her and rush off down the alley. Madeline just scratches her head
in disbelief. Can this day get any weirder? She then heads towards the main
street so she can get back home.
When she emerges from the alley, she never, ever could prepare herself for the
spectacle that is before her. The streets are full of pedestrians, just like in
New York. And the street is jammed with traffic. But instead of the usual
passersby that you see in New York City or any city for that matter, this city
is full of people, creatures and freaks that look like they walked off the pages
of the very tabloid she writes for. As she looks at the crowd passing by, there
is Marilyn Monroe walking along blowing kisses. Leaning up against the wall is
James Dean, smoking a cigarette and looking like he just came off the set of
Rebel Without a Cause. There is a man who must be over eight feet tall. He looks
down and asks "How's the weather down there?" She just gawks at him in
disbelief. Then a group of small green aliens walk up to her and say "We come in
peace." They all laugh and walk away. As she turns around, she sees Adolph
Hitler marching down the street yelling something in German. There he is dressed
in his Nazi uniform. Where did she end up? Did she die and go to hell? She
always suspected that her personal hell would be something like this. She is not
sure what to do next. As she gets ready to step out in the crowd, she sees a
family of Bigfoot walking towards her. As they near, the child Bigfoot points at
her and says "She's funny looking mom." The mother pulls the child and says
"Mind your manners." It cannot get any weirder than that. Then she hears a
strange voice. "Lady, can you help me?" She looks around to see where the voice
is coming from. The she hears "Down here lady." As she looks down, she sees a
cat with a human head. "Can you scratch my back? I have a terrible itch and
cannot reach it." She screams and jumps back. The cat man looks at her and says
"Thanks for nothing. If I was you, I would check my slippers before I put them
on." He then runs off into the crowd.
After the initial shock wore off, she decides she needs to get some help to get
home. Not only did she not know where she was, but she has no idea how she
arrived here. As she makes her way down the street, she notices something else
odd. Not only are the people strange, but the city is just as bizarre. At first,
it looks like New York City. She sees a subway ramp headed down and in the
distance, she can see the Empire State Building. But as she looks around, it
looks like they put a bunch of cities together. Last time she remembers, Big Ben
was not part of the New York skyline. But there it is. And in the distance, she
can see the Eiffel Tower. She keeps walking down the street and looking around.
As she looks down one the streets, she sees a hill in the distance with the
famous Hollywood sign on it. What is this place? She would ask Napoleon who is
walking next to her with his hand in his pocket, but she is too scared to. But
he is less frightening than the mummy who is shambling down the street towards
her. She steps aside and lets him pass. She then sees a bunch of businesses up
ahead. Maybe one of them can help her.
When she reaches the business row, she looks at the signs and shudders. The
first one is "The Count's Dentist Office with the slogan "We have braces for
fang faces." The sign is a mouth with two big fangs. That is one store she will
avoid. The next one is Cyclopean Optometrist with the slogan "One eye or two, we
have the glasses for you." As she walks past, she looks in and sees a real
Cyclops, only smaller than she expected. He is showing some glasses to Groucho
Marx who is there with his brothers. She then reads the next sign. This one says
"The King's Private Investigation Services" and it had a glittering arrow
pointing up. As she walks under it, she notices a door right below the arrow. At
least it doesn't have some goofy slogan. Maybe a private investigator is what
she needs. She cautiously opens the door and peers inside. Instead of the office
she expects to find, there is just a stairway leading upwards. She steps in and
closes the door. She takes a deep breath and starts walking up the stairs. It
takes two flights of stairs before she reaches the top, but she is determined to
get there. At the top, there is a door with "The King's Private Investigation
Services" written on the door. Not knowing what to expect, she opened the door
and sitting at the desk is Elvis Presley. He is wearing a sequined jumpsuit and
very dark sunglasses. "You're not the real Elvis are you?" she asks him as he
looks up and smiles at her. "Little darling, of course I am, but I was too slow
in applying for the name, so I had to use "The King". Them hound dogs are
stealing my time, but I won't be cruel." he says as he stands up and offers his
hand to her. "Well,....I'm Madeline and I need some help" she says as she shakes
his hand. "What's wrong little lady, your man loving someone else tender? Was
your love returned to sender?" he says with a coy smile. "No, nothing like that.
Simply put, I came from someplace else and I need to find a way home" she says
and then adds "I know it sounds strange, but I came from another place, possibly
another world". With that, he breaks out in laughter. "Strange, have you taken a
look around? We specialize in strange. There is no story you can tell me that I
would find strange" he says as he sits back down. "Lay it on me darling, Elvis
is ready to listen" he then leans forward and looks attentive. She then goes
over the past events and he listens as she tries her best to explain her
situation. After she finishes, he gets up and goes over to a bookcase full of
books and starts poring over them. "Witchcraft, um no....Bermuda triangle, not
likely......dinosaurs, definitely not.....wait here, dimensional travel" he says
as he pulls the book out and begins to look into it. "Do you think that is the
answer?" she asks as she heads over to take a look. "Give me a minute, I'm no
expert on the subject. After all, I am just a singer who likes to dabble in
private investigation" he says as he rushes through the pages. After a few
minutes, he stops and says "Here it is! This is what we are looking for!" He
then pulls the page out and grabs her hand and pulls her along. They run down
the stairs at breakneck speed. She does her best to keep up with The King but
she is slowing him down. When he feels her pulling back, he slows up a bit.
As they make their way outside, he hails a cab. As it stops, they get in and a
man with a dog face turns around and says "Ruff, Ruff, where ya heading?" "Take
us to East 5th and Lincoln and make it snappy" he says as they speed away. As
they leave the scene, two strange beings step out from an alley and begin to
talk to each other in a strange language. They almost look like blurs and none
of the people seem to notice them. <Translated> "Do you think she knows?" The
other being looks at him from behind his dark shades and says "She is unaware of
what has happened to her, but we better keep an eye on her anyways". They then
head back into the shadows.
The dog faced man is zooming through town. He has his head out the window and is
howling. After a few hair-raising turns, they stop suddenly at a house. As
Madeline gets out, Elvis hands the dog faced driver some money and says "Keep
the change, hound dog" and then he winks at him as he walks away. He then digs
deep into his pocket and pulls out the ripped out page and reads the address. It
matches the one on the house and he looks over at her and says "Well, were here
little darlin, ya ready to go on in?" She stares at the very creepy looking
house. It almost looks like something out of a horror movie. It resembles a
small castle, which looks very funny in the middle of a city. There are
gargoyles on the roof and one small, black cloud hanging over it. The cloud is
emitting lightning that is hitting a lightning rod that stands on top of the
house. She thinks how very odd that is to only see one black cloud on such a
lovely day. But after the other stuff she has seen here, she figures it is par
for the course. "We better go, if I want any chance of getting back home" she
says in an apprehensive voice. They both then walk up towards the house. They
each take one step at a time. After a handful of steps, they reach the door. The
door is a very large and solid, wooden door. It has a large knocker on it that
is shaped like the head of a demon. Madeline looks over at the King, who looks
back. Neither one wants to touch the horrible looking thing. Finally, Madeline
swallows hard and reaches for the knocker. She grasps it and knocks very loudly.
Once, twice and then a third time. The sound echoes throughout the house. They
wait a few seconds, before they hear the sound of footsteps. Then they hear a
few locks being undone. After this, the door then creaks as it opens slightly,
just enough for them to see a pair of eyes looking at them. "What do you want?
Who sent you?" the voice says as it tries hard to sound intimidating and fails
miserably. Madeline speaks up and answers "We saw your ad in the phone book and
was coming about inter-dimensional travel." The door suddenly shuts and after a
few seconds, it opens all the way up. "Please come in" the smallish man says. As
Madeline looks at him, she sees the stereotypical scientist. The man is balding,
small in frame and wears wire rimmed glasses. He has a large, white lab coat on
and all kind of gadgets sticking out of his pockets. He has a nervous look to
him and he looks around outside, before he closes the door and starts to attach
the multitude of locks on the door. "They are on to me" he says in a worried
voice as he does another lock. "Who are on to ya" the King asks. "The aliens
are, they know that I know what they know, you know?" Madeline and the King look
at each other as they try to comprehend what the funny little man is talking
about. He then adds "Everything around us is their doing. We are nothing but
actors on a stage for their amusement" he says as he starts to walk down a
corridor.
As they follow him, they look around and see some downright bizarre stuff on the
walls. There are paintings of some very unique individuals. There is one that
looks like Albert Einstein, only he is wearing a Nazi uniform. Another shows a
picture of Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin sitting lounge chairs and
wearing bathing suits at a beach in what appears to be the French Riviera. They
are all holding up drinks and it appears like they are toasting. The caption
below reads "Having fun in the sun, hope the funerals were nice". It appears to
be a newspaper clipping. There are other odd things like the head of a
jackalope, a unicorn head with a long horn that appears to glow. At the end of
the hall is a full sized stuffed Yet. Madeline cannot help but wonder what kind
of bizarre place she has landed in. As she keeps walking, something falls in
front of her. She looks up and there are bats hanging from the ceiling. Only
they are not your run of the mill bats. These are very large bats that appear to
be half human. They are sleeping and it appears that they are drooling in their
sleep and she was almost hit by drool. At least she hopes it is drool and not
some half bat/half human guano. At the end of the hall, they turn a corner and
head down towards an open door at the end of the hall. Madeline hears a
whooshing sound. She looks at the King who also hears it. They both look up at
the same time and see a giant pendulum swinging back and forth. It looks
extremely sharp and appears to be headed towards them. They both fall to the
floor and cover their heads, like that would do any good. The mad scientist
pulls out a remote and points it at the pendulum and hits a button. It stops
swinging and then slowly goes back up. Madeline and the King slowly get back up
and dust themselves off.
At the end of the hall, they enter a door. There is light shining through the
door and it illuminates the end of the hallway. The scientist leads them into
the room. As they walk in, they see what looks like the laboratory of a mad
scientist from a bad B movie. There are beakers and vials everywhere. Electrical
charges are moving up and down equipment and there are machines full of dials
and buttons. On a far wall, there is some shelves with the top shelf full of
brains. Each one is labeled. One says Walt, another says Albert and another says
Abbey Normal. In the middle of the room is a body, laying on a bed underneath a
large white sheet. Above it is what appears to be the other end of the lightning
rod that they saw on the roof. Over to the left, they see cages with all sorts
of creatures in them. There is a zombie, a werewolf and what appears to be the
ghost of Andrew Jackson. As they enter the room, the scientist turns around and
holds out his hand. "Oh by the way, my name is Dr Stein, so how can I be of
service to you?" he says. "Well, my name is Madeline and I came to this world
accidentally and was wondering if you know a way to get me back?" she asks.
"What makes you think you are from another world? How do you know this isn't
your world?" he inquires. "For starters, in my world, Elvis is dead as is Jim
Morrison and the others out there on your wall. There are also no unicorns or
Bigfoot or dog faced cab drivers. Everyone is normal." she says, almost in a
scream. "What makes you think this isn't normal and your world is the strange
one?" he asks here with a raised eyebrow. "I don't know what is normal and what
isn't. I just know what I am used to and want to get back to it" she says as she
begins to cry. She tries hard to control the flood of tears, but she is getting
fearful that she will be stuck in the bizarre world forever.
Before she has time to let out a good cry, there is a loud crashing sound from
the front of the house. Before they can do anything, a bunch of men in black
come running into the room and begin destroying everything. "Quick, follow me"
shouts the King as he kicks in a door and runs through it. Madeline rushes after
him, just barely escaping the men in black. As they run down some long hallway,
she turns around to see them chasing after her. They are dressed in jet black
suits with slicked back hair and sunglasses. There are three of them coming and
they all look exactly alike. She cannot help but wonder if they are triplets or
clones? In this world, either is very possible. She then turns her attention
back to the King who just turned right around a corner. As she runs after him,
she is pulled into a room. The door is immediately closed and she soon hears the
footsteps run past the door. As she turns, she can barely make out the King as
he is smiling. He then lights a match and looks around. The room is full of
boxes full of who knows what? As she begins to investigate, he discovers a
hidden door that is behind the boxes. He opens it and they both run into it.
They soon find themselves descending downward. Unsure where they are headed,
they try to pick up the pace, for fear of the men in black.
As they make their way down the dark corridor, the King continues lighting
matches to find his way. Soon, they see a light in the distance and make their
way towards it. As they near it, the see it leads outside as they can feel a
slight breeze on their faces. A few minutes later, they find themselves looking
up at a ladder leading up to a manhole. "Where do you think it leads?" Madeline
asks. "Don't know, but it has to be safer than going back, little darling" he
says as he begins walking up the ladder. As he gets a few rungs up, they see a
light shining in the darkness. "They're coming!" Madeline whispers as she begins
going up the ladder. She is now pushing the King up the ladder as the light gets
closer. As he pushes the manhole cover aside, the light floods down into the
hole and they hear the footsteps go from a walk to a run. Madeline forces
herself out and as she runs out, she slips and falls. As she tries to regain her
footing, she sees the King running down an alley. She gets up to run off, when
she hears a shot ring out and feels a sharp pain in her arm. As the bullet
grazes her arm, she falls back into some shadows and suddenly she finds herself
falling again. A sense of Deja Vu overcomes her as she freefalls through this
void. Suddenly, she sees the creature again. This time it is smiling and its
teeth and claws are dripping in blood. Fear sweeps throughout her body as she
watches the hideous beast fly past her. She cannot but worry why the creature is
smiling and how did it get blood all over it?
Before she can even guess to the answer to those questions, she falls to the
ground and begins to roll. As she gets up, she finds herself sitting in the same
alley that she left. Only this time, she is sitting in a pool of blood. Around
her are the remains of her attackers. Their body parts splattered against the
walls of the alley. She also sees the remains of some other bodies, ones that
she does not recognize, not that she could in their current state. They too are
severely mutilated. "Oh my God, I think I'm gonna get sick" she says as she
tries to force back the urge to throw up. She gets to her feet and covers her
mouth, when suddenly she hears sirens. Within seconds, she sees the multicolored
police lights flashing down the alley and she sees some officers heading towards
her with their guns out and aimed right at her. "Thank God, you're here" she
says as she begins walking towards them. Before she can take more than a few
steps, one of the officers screams out "Put your hands on your head and get on
the ground or I will blow your head off!" "But, I'm not the killer" she says as
she puts her hands on her head. What is happening? Didn't anyone see the monster
that tore these creatures up? Suddenly as she was laying face down to the ground
and getting handcuffed, she thought about how utterly absurd her alibi sounds.
Tabloid © Tom Zjaba 1994 - 2007