COMMERCIAL VAULT
by Adam King

Welcome, gamers, to Commercial Vault: The Musical. This month I have two commercials that each feature a weird jingle.

Megamania
My first commercial is for Activision's Megamania, and was suggested by fellow RT Writer Alan Hewston. He figured since he was writing the Many Faces of Megamania (see below) I do the commercial to tie the two together.
Anyhoo, Megamania is Steve Cartwright's awesome shooter for the Atari 2600, later ported to other systems. It's also one of my faves from my 2600 days. Described as a nightmare in space, you shoot at weird flying objects, including hamburgers, tires, bowties, and space dice, which look more like popcorn. The equally strange commercial defiently seems 1980-ish. It's presented as a music video, with weird images and a band playing on a giant VCS.

Please note I had a hard time listening to the lyrics of the commercial, so the words below are what I could make out. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

"Activision presents Megamania, a new video game for your Atari Video Computer System"
"1-2-3-4! MEGA!
MEGAMANIA! MEGAMANIA!
It's gonna drive you insane.
You got the shootin' design,
you gotta run to stay alive
You may get credit, but they don't get it
It's never gonna let you alone!"
"Megamania is a video nightmare because it's impossible to stop. Designed by Steve Cartwright."
"MEGAMANIA!"
From Activision"

PICTURES:


"Get ready to jam. It's Megamania!"


Check this guy out. He's the one singing this commercial.


This guy doesn't need a ship to fight the evil tires.


"There's diamonds in the sky. That could be another song."


Remember the name: MEGAMANIA!

Mario Bros (Atari)
My next commercial, which many of you older readers may remember, is for Atari's Mario Bros on the Atari 2600 & 5200. Here we find Mario's brother Luigi being attacked by weird creatures coming out of the pipes. This is the commercial where you hear the immortal,"MARIO! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Something's gumming up the plumbing
Poor Luigi's in a bind
Giant turtles out to get him
Creepy crabs are right behind
Fighter Flies! Jeeper Jipes!
They're all coming out the pipes!
MARIO, WHERE ARE YOU?!"
"It's Atari Mario Brothers with Mario from Donkey Kong, his brother Luigi, and lost of crazy creatures. And it's twice the fun when two play at once, 'cause you need all the help you can get."
"MARIO, WHERE ARE YOU!?"
"Mario Bros., new from Atari."

A magazine as took the same approach, but the lyrics differ slightly than on the TV spot.

PICTURES:


"It's the turtle I flushed down the toilet last year!"


Somebody needs a giant can of Raid.


"Hey Mario! A little help here."


"Aaagh! They got me."


"Where are you indeed, Mario?"

Man, I'd never leave my brother high and dry when he's being attacked by sewer dwellers. What kind of jerk is Mario anyway?

That'll do it for this month. If you gamers out there have a suggestion for a commercial for this column, shoot me an e-mail and I'll see if I can find it. Until next time...MEGAMANIA!

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