Today we join renowned psychiatric to the video game world, Dr. I.N. Sane as he speaks to the crocodiles from Pitfall.
Dr Sane - So what brings you to see me?
Crocodiles (in unison) - We come to speak about our low self esteem.
Dr. Sane - Before we get into that, do you three always speak together like that?
Crocodiles - We were programmed this way. We are cursed to be three beings but one mind
Dr. Sane - I see. When did you first realize this union of the mind, so to speak?
Crocodiles - From the very beginning, we did everything at the same time. Our mouths opened as one, we sat in the same pool of water as one, always facing the same way. We were the borg before the borg.
Dr. Sane - Very interesting. Let us get to your problem. Why do you have such low self esteem?
Crocodiles - It began with Pitfall Harry. Before him, we were happy. We sat and ate fish together. Then one day he began to run through our jungle. At first we were excited about the chance to eat something different. But instead of a steady diet of jungle explorer, we ended up being stepping stones for him. How humiliating.
Dr. Sane - Why did you not do something to stop this degrading behavior?
Crocodiles - We tried, oh how we tried. But David Crane, that cruel, cruel man, made us immobile. We were forced to sit in this pond and open and close our mouths in sync, while Pitfall Harry ran across our heads. We could not even eat him, if he stood on our eyes. You know how painful it is to have a grown man stand on your eyeballs?
Dr. Sane - If you are immobile, how did you get to my office?
Crocodiles - Hey, we can move! We really can move, the curse is lifted! Let us head back to the jungle and this time we will get Pitfall Harry. Vengeance will be ours! Thanks Doc!
Dr. Sane - You are welcome, I think.
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