Welcome to Classic Ads!
(Currently there are 149
Here you will find the timeless ads
that haunted our youth! Sea Monkeys, tiny soldiers, Grit and more can be
found here! Take a gander and feel the years melt away!
3-D He-Man -
Remember if you are not muscle bound, you are 2D.
7-Up Jungle - See how the cool, refreshing
taste of 7-Up can even tame the king of the beasts.
7-Up Traffic Jam - See the classic
spokesman...err spokesbird, Fresh Up Freddie deal with a traffic jam.
Abdo-Slim - One of the many girdles that slimmed women's waists.
And the ads fueled young boy's imagination, among other things.
Air Combat Goggles - Buy Bazooka gum and
you could get your own set of Air Combat Goggles!
Eye - You can command this 7 foot alien eye. If by command,
it means pulling around this oversized balloon, then I guess you are
- Look mommy, we have ants in
our house! The fun toy that gave your mother the creeps!
Aqua Circus - The same thing as the Sea Monkeys, only not as well
Test - Yes, there was a time when people really wanted to join
the army. A book like that would not sell today.
Baby Raccoon - What better pet to get a kid than a rabies
carrying raccoon? What were they thinking?
Baby Ruth #1 - A classic commercial for a classic candy bar.
Poor old Snowman, he gets no candy.
Baby Ruth #2 - Another classic commercial. This time it has a
feel of the Little Rascals (remember how they always came up with ingenious
ways to power their vehicles).
Baby Ruth #3 - A real nice ad with a bunch of kids being
cowboys. Even the chicken wants a Baby Ruth bar.
Baby Ruth #4 - This time it is kangaroos enjoying Baby Ruth
bars. Didn't know they were so popular with the animal kingdom.
Baby Ruth #5 - This time the candy bar got an NFL coach to hawk
the candy bars.
Baby Ruth #6 - Polly wants a cracker is so 19th century.
Modern parrots want Baby Ruth!
Baby Ruth #7 - Nice picture of a fighter plane. What it has
to do with Baby Ruth is anyone's guess.
Baby Ruth #8 - The boy on the rocket is cute, but I like the
talking bird. Though if a bird saw a kid on a rocket going by, they
would probably say something else.
Baby Ruth #9 - This time a boy is flying a space ship. Nice
Baby Ruth #10 - Not sure what a tank buster is? This ad
will teach you and also make you want to buy a Baby Ruth candy bar.
Baby Turtle - Get your own baby turtle. And when you are
tired of it, you can make soup.
Artist - An old version of the ad where you can be an artist.
More interesting than a picture of a doggie.
Taller - This is one of a dozen ads that promised to make you
taller. Did they work? Look at the NBA for proof. Just
Belly Flattener - This was considered
risqué back in the day. A woman in her underwear. Sure, she is only a
drawing but I bet boys kept this comic hidden along with their Sears
Big Bull Whip - Gotta love the line - "Great for training animals
and pets." PETA would not approve.
Bobby Benson Lighters - Gotta love an ad
that makes you think you need to smoke and have a classy lighter to pick up
Bombs Away - Get your own cardboard cockpit and practice your
bombing raids. What a present for the little war monger in your
Book of Etiquette - Confused about which
fork is which? This book will help you look sophisticated.
Bow-Lite Tie - Nothing says you are a geek more than this tie.
Guaranteed to get you beat up.
- Yeah, an ad for bras for women of all different bust sizes.
Brownie Camera - One of the most popular cameras of all-time.
Build a Hot Rod - I know things were cheaper then, but a Hot Rod
for a buck? Give me a break.
Buy War Bonds - There was a time when people wanted to give money
to the government.
Camel Cigarettes - Cigarettes advertised in
comics? Well, it was a crime comic aimed at an older audience. Guess if
Hollywood can still promote smoking in movies, it should not be such a
Radio - A big 10-4 to the CB Radio. I remember being a kid
and everyone had to have a handle. Sure, I didn't have a CB Radio, but
I still had my handle. I think it was Red Dragon or something like
Chameleon Circus - Mine was lost in the
mail for awhile and when it finally arrived the only trick he did was play
- What collection of classic ads
would be complete without an ad from Charles Atlas?
Charles Atlas #2
- This time it is Jack the
Weakling battling the Dance Floor Hog. Another classic ad with everyone's
favorite muscle man.
Charles Atlas #3 - Another skinny guy who
needs Charles help.
Chewing Gum Diet - Yeah, they had weight
loss gimmicks like this back then. Some things never change.
Chugga Mota - For kids who want the motorcycle sound on their
bike but don't want to ruin their baseball cards.
Circus Tent - Finally an ad that shows a more realistic depiction
of what you will receive, a small tent.
Cracker Jack Magnetic Car - Meatloaf said
you couldn't find a Coupe DeVille in the bottom of a cracker jack box but
you can get a magnetic car.
Clyde Beatty Animal Club - Join the famed
lion tamer, Clyde Beatty will give you a lizard for joining his club.
Dick Tracy Two Way Wrist Radio - A cool
device that every boy wanted back then. Primitive by today's standards but
Draw Bob Hope - We had to have one of these drawing ads. I
chose one with the legendary Bob Hope.
Dwarf Trees - Yeah, these miniature trees were popular before
Electric Baseball - A nifty looking
electronic board game of baseball. Just don't play while in the tub.
Eveready Battery #1 - Somewhat comical ad
for a battery that has been around for ages.
Eveready Battery #2 -
Another military based comical ad.
Facial Hair - Wonder how many kids ordered this so they could
look older and buy Playboys and beer? And how many were laughed at by
the clerks who could tell they were made of dog hair.
Fiesta Dress - Gee golly whiz is she excited by her dress.
If she only knew that it was made in a sweatshop.
Fireworks - A disturbing ad for firecrackers and other fireworks
that is aimed at young kids. Wonder how many accidents were due to
Flexible Flyer - Great Ad for the classic
Flying Saucer - One of the classic ads from
an era when flying saucers were a big deal.
Frank Sinatra Bracelet - Bet this has some
value on ebay.
Free One Million Dollars - We all dreamed
that our bag would be real money.
Free Stamps - This is the same deal you saw
on matchbooks. This one even features an Adolph Hitler stamp.
Frontier Cabin - How gullible do they think we are? A cabin
for the price of a cup of coffee?
Gag Gifts - What collection of classic ads
would be complete without a page of gag gifts? I actually had someone try
that hot gum on me.
- I know it says it is an instrument, but look at the glazed look in the
guy's eyes and tell me that it not hooked to some kind of bong.
Get Along With Boys - A very dated ad about
a book that was probably written by men.
Glamorous Curves - I miss when curvy women
were considered beautiful.
Government Jobs - Back when the government
had jobs. Those were the days.
Grow 7 Monsters - If you were like me, you
wanted to have your own monsters. I never thought about what I would do
with the creature, especially when it got big and wanted to devour my
family. I just thought about how cool I would be with my own monster.
Hand Shadows - Did you know that you could become rich and famous
from doing hand shadows? Me neither.
Haunting Record - The spooky record was
perfect for Halloween or ruining your sister's slumber party.
Mindy! - Poor Mindy has a coming out party and a bad case of
acne. What will Mork think?
Hovercraft - My mom stopped me from wasting my money on this.
To be young and naive again.
How To Hypnotize - Read the description and
tell me that didn't encourage boys to buy it inappropriate reasons.
Hypno-Coin - What classic section is complete without a Hypno-Coin?
How many young men dreamed of using this on their girlfriends?
- That is right, they were
selling blowup dolls in comic books. I don't know how anatomically correct
this one is? By the way, this ad gets more hits than any
other one, I wonder why?
Insect Collecting Kit - The present every
mother wants to buy her kids. Not!
Rocket - Another in the long line of cardboard vehicles for kids.
Can withstand anything but rain. And your little brother.
Joe Namath Dingo Boots - Wear these boots
and you can stop crime and hang out with celebrities. Honest!
Joe Weider starring Arnold Schwarzenegger #1
- The governor shows off his powerful arms. Order now sissy man.
starring Arnold Schwarzenegger #2 - What better way to get boys
to order than show them a hot woman like this?
Juicy Fruit Gum - Gotta love an ad for gum
that says "helps keep your teeth clean." At least they give some good
Juicy Fruit Gum Swimming - Here is some
advice on being safe while swimming. Swimming and chewing gum at the same
time would probably be a good bet.
Junior Television - Not sure how good this
works but I bet it is worth some major bucks on ebay. Looks pretty cool.
- I looked around and realized that I did not have a single martial arts ad.
Consider that rectified.
Kooba Cola - The long forgotten cola (no, I am not talking about
RC Cola), with the strange name. It was so forgotten that it was never
Kooba Cola #2 - Another ad for the product that was never made.
At least King Cola came out.
- The ad would not scan well,
but you get the idea. You can buy Kryptonite from a comic and be ready to
stop Superman in his tracks! This could have been the start of the pet
Learn Guitar - I don't think this is the same kit that Eric
Clapton learned from.
Learn Harmonica - The first step to
becoming a hobo is to learn how to play the harmonica. I don't know
what the second step is.
Learn to Dance - Gotta love the woman sitting there with the left
over food. Funny image.
Leopard Seat Cover - Take tacky to your
car. Guaranteed to get looks and comments.
Live Sea Horses - Wonder how many arrived
dead? Sending timid sea creatures through the mail sounds like a
recipe for disaster to me.
Lone Ranger Pen Set - How many pen sets
come in a leather holder that looks like a gun belt? Bet it would be
illegal to take to school today.
Louisville Slugger - The world's most
famous baseball bat with Johnny Bench as the pitchman.
Lucky Clover -
Know those cheesy ads for Chia Pets you see on television? Well, here is
the predecessor to the Chia Pet.
Lucky Grab Bag - Gotta love a grab bag that
is offered from a company named Honesty. Think that was done on purpose?
Lucky Ludens - What cough drops have to do with a haunted house
is anyone's guess.
Major Mars Rocket Ring - Don't know who he
is, but his ring is pretty cool.
Make Your Own Model - I always found that any toy that allows you
to make your own usually sucks. That or I have no skills. I will
go with the former, makes me feel better.
Man From U.N.C.L.E. Spy Pen - A pen that
sees through walls. Yeah, right.
Marble King - The book may make you a marble king, but the crown
is not included.
Mattel Barbells - See little Johnny and
Suzie get their first dose of weightlifting.
Military Medals - 40 medals and insignias
for $1.49? Makes you wish you had a time machine. I ask where
they got all these medals?
Milky Way #1 - The first candy bar ad features two kids in a tree
Milky Way #2 - This Valentines ad features a hungry heart.
Not the same one that Bruce sang about.
Milky Way #3 - The third ad is Easter themed with eggs with faces
on them. I always thought it was the other way around?
Minature Dog - Not the best scan but it was
sent to me this way. I touched it up as much as I could. Wonder how many
of these dogs died in the mail? Or how many kids received a leaking
Monark Bikes - It is not only a cool bike,
but it will help you earn money! It says so in the ad.
- Fake blood that disappears soon after you throw it on someone.
Probably not quick enough to avoid a punch in the nose.
Monster Size Posters - Gotta like when a
buck could buy you a giant poster of Frankenstein. I miss those days.
Monster From Space - A giant talking
monster from space for only a buck! Sounds like a better deal than a
double cheeseburger at McDonalds.
- A very scary looking beast!
Sure it was only a poster, but what a poster.
Movie Stars Photos - Some big names in this
ad, but none bigger than Elvis Presley. Yeah, he was a movie star.
Over 50 movies.
Muscles #1 - I had alot of requests for ads of muscle building
programs and karate. So here is one for you.
Muscles #2 - Another ad of muscle bound men. Hope you are
- Check out O.J. Simpson in
those Dingo boots! i would insert a really bad pun here, but I figure I
will leave that you to. So go right ahead!
OJ Simpson and Spot-Bilt Shoes - When
someone makes the news as much as OJ, you gotta have more than one ad.
I miss the OJ who did commercials for car rentals and bad movies.
OJ Simpson and Spot-Bilt Shoes #2 - Another
ad featuring the most infamous football player of all-time.
Monkey - File this under disaster waiting to happen. While
Squirrel Monkeys may look cute, they can be very nasty animals. Wonder
how many unsuspecting families ended up with one of these biting,
scratching, poop flinging beasts?
PF Shoes and the Escaped Bear - If you come
across an escaped bear, these are the shoes to wear. I personally
would want to have a shotgun or a jet-pack, but I guess these shoes would
come in a close third.
Piano - Learn the piano and you will be popular as the ad says.
Well, it worked for Liberache and Billy Joel.
- I wanted one of these in the
worst way. I dreamed of sailing around Lake Erie and scaring unsuspecting
boaters. Ah, the dreams of the youth!
Post Sugar Crisps Railroad Emblems - A
great ad for Post Sugar Crisps cereal and their premium, which is railroad
emblems. Great picture of many logos of railroad companies that are gone
but not forgotten.
Quail Eggs - Eggs and an incubator through the mail sounds like
the recipe for a bad omelet.
Rare Coins - Every kid saw one of these ads
in a comic book and for the next week, you looked at every coin that you
came in contact with, hoping that you could find that rare and valuable
coin. If you were like me, all you ended up with was a pocketful of
worthless pennies and shattered dreams.
Reduce Busts - Yes, there was a time when women wanted smaller
busts. Somewhere a plastic surgeon is reading this and shuddering.
Rice Krispies Treat - Here is an ad where
you can learn to make possibly the easiest dessert ever created. Great
for last minute bake sales.
Roy Rogers Shirt - There was a time when a
shirt like this gave you major street cred. Not anymore.
- The pet that is easy to care
for and easy to dispose of. Flush!
- Remember when the DC Heroes were
water-skiing around Sea World? You don't? Well, check this ad out and see
what you missed!
Sell Shoes - I know it was a different
time, but if someone came to my door now trying to sell shoes, I would just
- Vincent Price hawks the spooky
product! Secret, they are really apples, not your little brother's head.
Skinny Legs - Want to turn your skinny legs into shapely legs?
This was the ad for you.
- My childhood idol, Roger
Staubach, showing us the secrets behind his success.
Suit - Want to lose weight and look silly at the same time?
Then this item is for you.
Space Shoes - They are just sandals with springs on them.
Can you say broken ankles? You will if you wear these.
Spalding Street Ball - A classic ad with
Rick Barry and Dr. J. I remember doing a comedy sketch on cassette tape of
this commercial with my Cousin Bobby when we were young.
Stan Musial - See Stan the Man hawking
shoes with his son.
Switchblade Comb - Its a comb that can get
you arrested. At least your hair will look good in your mugshot.
Tank - Get your own mobile tank! Really,
for $4.95 you can have a working tank. Granted it was probably made of
cardboard and a single rainstorm would destroy it, but who cares, you had
your own tank!
Texas Ranch - That's right, you can own a whole square inch in
Texas! What can you raise on a ranch that small? Baby corn?
- I had a neighbor who ordered
these teeny, tiny pieces of scrap plastic. The father of the MicroMachines.
U.S. Royal in Bamboozling the Bank Robbers
- US Royal and his rocket powered bike stop bank robbers. Cool stuff.
U.S. Royal in Lassoing a Lion - This time
US Royal goes after an escaped lion.
U.S. Royal in Sabotaging the Saboteur -
Another fun adventure of the man and his rocket powered bike. Sorta
the predecessor to Pee Wee Herman and his bike.
Vampire Bat - Sure it has googly eyes and is made of rubber, but
it is scary! Very scary!
Venus Flytrap - The classic carnivorous
plant! Feed me!
Vitalis Hair Cream - If it is good enough
for Bert Parks, it is good enough for you.
Walt Disney Masks - These were cutout masks
on the back of Wheaties boxes. Of all the Disney characters they had to
choose from, why did they pick Lucifer the cat?
Western Mystery Horse - Here is a very old
cereal and a pretty cool looking premium.
Write Love Letters - So what if you talk
like a moron, if you can write a good love letter, she will swoon.
- Every adolescent boy dreamed
of a working pair of these. Too bad they were only a gag gift.
Yankees Muscle Power - A booklet on
exercise and muscle power with a bunch of athletes pushing it. Included are
three Yankees greats - Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra and Whitey Ford.
Zombie Mask - Now this is one butt ugly mask. If this
doesn't scare mom, then nothing will.
Note: These ads and their images are the rights of their respective owners.
We merely post them for your enjoyment! Please don't hurt me Mr. Atlas.
Even if you are probably about 90 years old, I still fear you.